The Myth of Instant Chemistry: Part 1

Reframing Attraction: A Smarter Approach to Connection

When it comes to dating, we’re conditioned to expect instant chemistry—fireworks, butterflies, and that magnetic “click” that movies and dating apps have led us to believe is essential for lasting love. But what if attraction isn’t always immediate? What if the strongest connections build over time?

As a professional matchmaker, I’ve seen many relationships flourish because someone gave a “maybe” the time to turn into a “yes.” Ask many of my colleagues in the industry, and they will tell you the same. So, if you’re wondering, “Will attraction grow with this person?”—let’s break it down and rethink the way we navigate early dating.

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Why the “Butterfly Effect” Is Misleading

Many of us believe that if we don’t feel fireworks immediately, something must be missing. But those early butterflies? They often have more to do with novelty, anxiety, and even personal attachment styles than true compatibility.

Think about it: How many times have you felt that intense initial attraction, only for it to fizzle out just as quickly? And how many lasting, deeply fulfilling relationships —romantic or otherwise—started with something that grew over time?

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Will The Attraction Grow? Embrace the Slow Burn

Real connection often grows in unexpected ways. We’re taught to chase the fireworks, but the most meaningful relationships? They tend to start as a quiet spark—something that slowly catches fire over time.

So, next time you’re wondering, “Is this person the one?” take a step back and ask yourself:
“Do I feel enough curiosity and ease to explore this connection further?”
Because sometimes, it’s the “maybe” that turns into something lasting and beautiful when given the space to grow.

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